


Pages of the diary.

by VanaBanana



Category: Marvel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-25
Updated: 2013-04-25
Packaged: 2017-12-09 11:36:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/773761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VanaBanana/pseuds/VanaBanana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Work is ~somehow~ associated with my Tumblr roleplay blog.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pages of the diary.

 

**2nd of August, 1956.**

Today, I was assigned to train the women in the Red Room.

They are all still  _children._ Each one of them.

I pity them. 

They are all going to end up as either killers, or dead.

 

But I'm not the one to feel pity. I'm just there to train them.

* * *

 

  **5th of August, 1956**  


It was the first training I held to them. 

Most of them were very fragile. I hope they will get better soon.

Though, two of them caught my eye.  Natalia and Alyona. Natalia was better than Alyona most of the times.

I like her.

* * *

 

**12th of January, 1957**

****  
I haven't written for a long time. Mostly due to fact that the missions that I am being given are taking me out of Department for a month. Which doesn't suit both me and Natalia. ~~  
~~

I hate not being able to see her. Especially since we... I shouldn't be telling.

But it's rather nice when we are together. I forget all that I've ever done, and I'm really hoping that she feels the same. She looks like she does. 

Yesterday, while in the changing rooms, she gave me a big hat with a feather. I can still remember each word; how she called my head big, how I called her cute even though I shouldn't have. I remember how she leaned on me. The way she smelt. She's really beautiful. I could hold her forever, but we mustn't.

* * *

 

**6th June 1960**

**  
**Natalia is engaged. To Alexei, the Red Guardian. I can see that she's really unhappy, it's making me feel bad too. I'm trying to make her smile. Her smile is magical; it shines bright, it's wide and beautiful.  And it makes the happy wrinkles on her face. They really fit, with her fire red hair and pale skin, her soft lips. But lately, the smile is being replaced with tears, frowns, despair.

I'm trying my best. Maybe the mission we will go on to together will make something different?

She's getting married next month.

 

* * *

**16th July 1970**

**  
**We went on one mission.

I was right, she was happy, although the mission was rather hard.

But that was destroyed too.

Yesterday, Natalia came to me crying, more badly than I ever saw her cry. My heart broke.

She told me how she can't have children, how Alexei is mad at her because of that. She told me how the serum worked. I didn't say anything.

What double broke my heart was... Was the fact that she was pregnant. She was pregnant, the child was probably mine. But the serum killed it. I never knew that I would feel the way I felt at that moment; the whole vision of mine went blurry. I thought I'd cry. But I held myself together, if not for myself then for her. She had to have someone. Once she calmed down, I told her to say that child was Alexei's. It worked.

When she left; I aws left in my room, tears finally tracing down my cheeks.

* * *

 

**21st December 1971**

**  
**They found out about us.

It was all my fault.

They are punishing us for it; me by... her, by watching as they punish me.

They shouldn't punish her. It's not her fault.

I don't know how long will I be able to write. I can hear them coming to put me into stasis.

I should have known that it will be that way.

Love is for children.

We definitely aren't children.

* * *

 

 

_Around the time when Natalia left Russia, the diary was long lost as well. James tried to find it desperately, each time he was out of stasis. But he failed, which eventually led to him forgetting about it. Mostly due to the fact that he was tortured and brainwashed to forget; to forget about Natalia, to forget about their love._

_In the most cruel ways. Ways, that weren't humane. By that time, Winter changed. Everyone from the Department feared it. They should have._

_But after some time, a mission failed. Winter Soldier was taken back to humanity by the cube. His mind is tortured, he doesn't trust anyone. But one person._

* * *

  
**25th of December, 2012** _  
_  


**  
**

 

I remember.


End file.
